Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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