Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
