Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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