im six kinds of drunk right now
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
