Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
