Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
