Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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