I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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