Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
