This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
