and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
