and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
