I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
