Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
