Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
