Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
