It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
