is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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