her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
