This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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