I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize