Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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