These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
