My balls are so social today.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he fucked my hip out of place.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
