You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
