I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
