I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
