thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
