I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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