i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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