Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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