did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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