I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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