hotel room ftw
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
