Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
