i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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