I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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