Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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