hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well I just put wine in my tea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
