I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
