Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
