Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
