You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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