I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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