This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
