No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize