I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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