im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize