My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
3pm strippers are depressing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so much tequila, so little girl.
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