i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
