I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
