I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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