call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
