I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
