yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
tell your sister to shave her snatch
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
