it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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