You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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