do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
