i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
