Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
