I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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