so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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