Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
