Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
