I don't usually arrange sex via text message
barbara walters just said penis...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
