Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
COCAINE IS GR8
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
