I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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