so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
