Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
