I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize