my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
