I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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