yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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