angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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